Rude Facebook Statuses to Piss Off Your Friends

Are you the kind of person that likes to put rude suggestions on your Facebook account to see if your friends will say anything about them? Great, me too. Well, not really, but I have to make you feel like you’re not a total ass, right? In any event, I’ve been posting funny Facebook statuses on the blog this week because I figure most people who use their computers for their school online also have a Facebook account they keep updated. If you want to make your FB friends laugh whenever they come to your profile page, you need a funny status that will make them think, laugh, or call you up saying “WTF dude?” Hopefully the suggestions below could provide you with just that.

• Go on. Add some variety to your sex life… Use the other hand!
• Go to Google. Type in “Ewmew Fudd”. Click “I’m feeling lucky”. You’re welcome.
• Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
• Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
• Let’s flip a coin…heads I get tail & tails I get head.
• For all who are infatuated with Olympic Curling, be sure check your local listings for the Paint Drying World Championships later this year.
• If nothing goes right, go left
• Say this real fast “I am we todd did. Sofa king we todd did”
• Imagine, if you will, a world without hypothetical situations
• This is FACEBOOK, quit posting your nasty twisted-kissy-faced-Myspace-angled photos. Thank you.
• Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work
• Are you too gullible? WE CAN HELP!! Send $1000 to…
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
• Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
• Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
• When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke up, I think it’s time you kept your promise!
• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
• Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
• Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
• Say no, then negotiate.
• When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
• If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn’t lick your fingers at lunch time.
• If at first you don’t succeed, you’ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn’t succeed either.
• When you think you have someone eating out of your hand, count your fingers.
• Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
• Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.
• Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
• Never buy a car you can’t push.
• The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late
• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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